drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
