I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
