She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
the day after is always just damage control
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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