a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
