do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
