Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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