I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
