Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
