Soap is not a condiment
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
