I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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