there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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