Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
