hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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