Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
