I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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