someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down