the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
