and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
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Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
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For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.