I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid