I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"