4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Dating After Heartbreak
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?