Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
