escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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