You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
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Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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