Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
