Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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