Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
