omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Randomize
