TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
sarcasm needs its own font
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
