make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
