I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I need to align my fucking chakras
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
