My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
