He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
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I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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