pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
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I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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