dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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