a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
