the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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