just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
