Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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