Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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