i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
