Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
