so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
