It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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