I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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