Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
