I just pynch a tree in the face
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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