I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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