Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
