i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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