Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Mom said you looked used
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
