Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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