He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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