And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
