I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
