Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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