Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
