Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
