she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night