Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.

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(516): There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office. http://tfl.nu/aczu

Replies (16) Good night (3833) Bad night (710)
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(916): View more from California

I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.

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(916): I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum. http://tfl.nu/f301

Replies (24) Good night (6470) Bad night (896)
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(514): View more from Quebec

i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."

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(514): i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty." http://tfl.nu/ecou

Replies (15) Good night (4921) Bad night (1015)
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(352): View more from Florida

Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.

(352): View more from Florida

And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.

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(352): Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye. (352): And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave. http://tfl.nu/f5gq

Replies (8) Good night (5213) Bad night (1255)
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(210): View more from Texas

We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?

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(210): We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this? http://tfl.nu/a3d2

Replies (11) Good night (2944) Bad night (1025)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine

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(+44): I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine http://tfl.nu/3ins

Replies (4) Good night (1856) Bad night (907)
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(618): View more from Illinois

This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?

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(618): This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it? http://tfl.nu/yhoj

Replies (9) Good night (1943) Bad night (929)
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(703): View more from Virginia

I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.

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(703): I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks. http://tfl.nu/40kn

Replies (3) Good night (1700) Bad night (624)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.

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(780): I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people. http://tfl.nu/y8iw

Replies (12) Good night (1108) Bad night (503)
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(281): View more from Texas

When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.

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(281): When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down. http://tfl.nu/j4so

Replies (2) Good night (1236) Bad night (433)
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(541): View more from Oregon

What should I say back?

(1-541): View more from Oregon

Well, how do you want the conversation to go?

(541): View more from Oregon

Straight into my pants.

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(541): What should I say back? (1-541): Well, how do you want the conversation to go? (541): Straight into my pants. http://tfl.nu/5wls

Replies (2) Good night (1737) Bad night (467)
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(239): View more from Florida

I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.

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(239): I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night. http://tfl.nu/o908

Replies (4) Good night (695) Bad night (405)
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(415): View more from California

Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians

(1-415): View more from California

Does the penis have a genital wart?

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(415): Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians (1-415): Does the penis have a genital wart? http://tfl.nu/myct

Replies (2) Good night (634) Bad night (457)
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(208): View more from Idaho

At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...

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(208): At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog... http://tfl.nu/j2fw

Replies (4) Good night (382) Bad night (835)
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(520): View more from Arizona

I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother

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(520): I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother http://tfl.nu/k9l1

Replies (0) Good night (614) Bad night (189)

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