Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.