I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
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Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
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When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.