I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
