you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update