i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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