You're completely useless in the revolution.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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