do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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