god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
