Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You can't motorboat a personality
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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