my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
