yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Couch. On fire.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
