So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
