halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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