I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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