Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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