My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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