I think I died a long time ago.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
