What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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